Family - not interested in flying

[0TreeLemur]

Sorry to hear that your wife had a bad experience while taking lessons.   That's a real shame.

My first date with my wife in 1989 I took her flying in a rented 172 on an evening with full moon and Venus to the west over the Rockies.  It was smooth as glass.  Beautiful evening.  This set the stage.  She puts up with me and my flying bug 'cause she knows how much flying means to me. 

I really like having her up front with me.  She runs the iPad, which is mounted right in front of her.   ADS-B has been a blessing, allowing us to start looking for traffic before the callout.  She especially enjoys that part.  Maybe over time you can get her to re-engage?  Especially if you start going to interesting destinations in  your Mooney!

[carusoam]

Welcome aboard HH!

You are about to become the MSer with the most liked post on your first day...

Thanks for sharing your insight.

It is greatly appreciated...

Best regards,

-a-

[MikeOH]

Everyone has pretty much covered the many options for getting your wife to fly with you.

I have three comments:

1) Do NOT give up YOUR passion.  IMHO a healthy marriage does NOT involve one spouse telling the other person what they can or cannot do.  If flying is now an important part of your life she should respect that and not discourage you from doing something you love.

2) Offer to do things that SHE wants to do that you historically would have declined.

3) Don't talk about your flights unless she asks.

[Oscar Avalle]

Welcome to my world.
My wife hates flying. She must have
Flown a few times with me, but she has motion sickness... so it is not fun for her. So made peace with it and fly by myself.

My youngest son is the only one in the
Family who has gotten the bug...




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[Hector]

One of the first dates with my wife (both at University of Florida at the time) i rented a 172 and took her to a nearby airport (X60) and rolled the 172 past the end of the runway into the grass near a tree and spread out a picnic blanket and had a great day. After we got married she showed very little interest in flying at all (GA or airlines) but knew this was my passion and fully supported it. Thirty years laters with kids in college she learned to appreciate the utility of our little Mooney and any mention of going to see the kids and she was ready to go. Even so, I’ve always knows she was a bit apprehensive about flying so always took care to make the flight as pleasant as possible. I would cruise high to find smooth air, deviated around clouds/buildups when possible to avoid bumps, and never in IMC. Thankfully the more we flew the more comfortable she got until it was no longer an issue. See if you can find a reason to get her to go flying with you. Maybe visit nearby towns, festivals, etc., whatever she is interested in see if you can do that and somehow get flying involved. Make sure the conditions are right for the flight with good VFR weather, etc. it may take time, maybe even 30 years, but it can happen and if it doesn’t hopefully she will understand this activity makes you happy and she will support it. Interestingly enough, a few years after my son was born I stopped flying for a while and took up motorcycling. My wife did not like that at all and told me repeatedly I needed to stop that and go back to flying. So maybe the answer is to start doing something really dangerous and she may rethink her position on flying


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[whiskytango]

Others have posted the concept of flying as a means to get somewhere your wife really wants to go to in a much shorter time than driving.  Buying a vacation / retirement house that was 600 miles from home made flying in the Mooney a lot more attractive to my wife than anything else I could have suggested.  Even though she does not get motion sickness easily (we both spent a lot of time sailing), we always fly early in the morning before the convective action begins, fly high, and avoid all buildups.  

[Rusty Pilot]

I agree it is a tough spot to be in.  I introduced my wife to flying a couple of years ago and she is now taking lessons.  She still prefers maintenance and cleaning days to flying, but I try to keep her interested by picking destinations and activities that are exciting for her.  Someone mentioned it previously, but always have her in the front seat.  The back seat offers limited visibility.  Fly in good weather only and tout the safety benefits of our Mooneys - glide without power, steel roll cage etc.  Good luck

[Ibra]

31 minutes ago, Rusty Pilot said:

Fly in good weather only and tout the safety benefits of our Mooneys - glide without power, steel roll cage etc.  Good luck

My wife had single engine fear, that did come from chatting with parachute and twin pilots, we flew Cirrus/ twin Diamonds in the past and you know some of their pilots like to brag how the magnificent machines completely mitigates single engine risk and they will never fly a rudder/stick single again (less so about spinning SR22 without parachute or sub-Vmc departure on DA42 from 2000ft runway )

So my partner had fear of single engine failure, which was worse as she had height vertige, she managed to overcome those fears when we flew gliders and motor-gliders high near the Alps, the fear goes away after 2h with no engine, but now she is skeptical on high altitude flying, so we agreed to always stick bellow 8kft when flying both of us, that only take a pilot friend to talk about decompression & hypoxia accidents, and I know the guy never flew above 6kft in GA aircrafts maybe only when he flew airlines 

The way how a well equipped pilot talks about safety tend to be attached to their hardware capabilities rather than their mission profile, that may not be obvious to non-flying public, obviously, if you know which heading/altitude/speed to fly and put enough fuel you will do just fine on a smart mission and backup plan, that may not be very obvious to well equipped pilots and non-flying public 

Edited August 13, 2020 by Ibra

[Fry]

Push very slightly. Be happy with flying once per month. Select days with really good weather. Fly in the morning (calm air). If it gets a little choppy, tell her that this is no danger but compare it to a choppy drive over the freeway, and explain that the choppiness demonstrates the tight grip of the air on the plane. Make flights as boring as possible - except for the views of course. No zero-g events, no steep turns, make it like a bus driver. Have your wife pick destinations to bring her to the active side. Help her get experiences to impress her circle of female friends.

Motion sickness: my wife also has it. Chewable ginger tablets help, but must be chewed before the motion sickness even starts.

[Captain Warbucks]

My wife isn't much for flying either. She's been up with me once in the rental to get BBQ but unless I have a good reason to go fly she won't come. My kids are starting to want to go up with me (4 and 6) so I'm hoping that convinces her to come up more. 

[Bravoman]

 After reading these posts it once again becomes clear on how Cirrus  has been so successful with their marketing and ultimately sales, which we have discussed many times on this board. They appeal to the non-pilots more than anything else.  I know several pilots with Cirrus  aircraft who have told me flat out that their spouses would not fly with them unless the plane had a chute. Some wouldn’t even have their spouses blessings to have a plane at all unless it had a chute. If 80% of non-pilot spouses do not like flying or are reluctant flyers, as mentioned above, and the parachute alleviates  the fears of say half of that number, it is pretty significant,  and enables a lot of pilots to have real use of a traveling airplane that otherwise would not. 

[aviatoreb]

9 minutes ago, Bravoman said:

 After reading these posts it once again becomes clear on how Cirrus  has been so successful with their marketing and ultimately sales, which we have discussed many times on this board. They appeal to the non-pilots more than anything else.  I know several pilots with Cirrus  aircraft who have told me flat out that their spouses would not fly with them unless the plane had a chute. Some wouldn’t even have their spouses blessings to have a plane at all unless it had a chute. If 80% of non-pilot spouses do not like flying or are reluctant flyers, as mentioned above, and the parachute alleviates  the fears of say half of that number, it is pretty significant,  and enables a lot of pilots to have real use of a traveling airplane that otherwise would not. 

Actually my wife was not impressed by Cirrus when I was last plane shopping over ten years ago.  She said, I thought you said the airplane glides and you were practicing.  She said, where are you going to come down with the parachute.  I am not declaring the discussion should be debated but I am just saying she was not impressed by the idea of the parachute and coming down on top of someone's house.  For her the parachute had the reverse effect of confidence - it made her think as if it was all "up in the air" and we have little control.

She has grown to like flying when there is a mission to go somewhere she specifically wants to go and would otherwise drive.

She does not like to fly for the sake of flying - I tell people that the people who best fit into GA as pilots are the people who get into it in the same spirit someone would get into sailing - for the sake of just doing it.  She is not such a person.  And most people in that category have a inherent distrust of the idea of it.

She took a pinch hitter couple of flights with a CFI and enjoyed the demystifying of the whole thing.

Most of all - she was super supportive and pushing me to get into it in the first place overcoming her own suspicion of it since she knew I really wanted to, a number of years ago - so super understanding and supportive is a separate thing from wanting to di it herself.

Edited August 13, 2020 by aviatoreb

[Amelia]

It would be hard to like flying if I had to locate the sick sacks before every flight. My husband swears by “sea bands” to forestall his motion sickness. They live on the right yoke when he isn’t wearing them. I also open the vents,  keep mints and ginger candy aboard, cold bottled water, a pretty view out there, and ask my passengers to help keep an eye out for traffic. Keeps their minds off their troubles. The traditional meds are in my flight bag, but useless if queasiness has already developed. And I do not talk about it. My granddaughter is fine flying with me unless her mama is along, and starts solicitously mentioning tummy troubles.  

[Ibra]

23 minutes ago, Bravoman said:

Some wouldn’t even have their spouses blessings to have a plane at all unless it had a chute

At SR22 budgets, there are few T37s Tweet and JetProvosts for sole ownership or partnership around, will that work* ?

*It was a clear NO for my case but had few trial flights 

Edited August 13, 2020 by Ibra

[rbridges]

32 minutes ago, aviatoreb said:

Actually my wife was not impressed by Cirrus when I was last plane shopping over ten years ago.  She said, I thought you said the airplane glides and you were practicing.  She said, where are you going to come down with the parachute.  I am not declaring the discussion should be debated but I am just saying she was not impressed by the idea of the parachute and coming down on top of someone's house.  For her the parachute had the reverse effect of confidence - it made her think as if it was all "up in the air" and we have little control.

She has grown to like flying when there is a mission to go somewhere she specifically wants to go and would otherwise drive.

She does not like to fly for the sake of flying - I tell people that the people who best fit into GA as pilots are the people who get into it in the same spirit someone would get into sailing - for the sake of just doing it.  She is not such a person.  And most people in that category have a inherent distrust of the idea of it.

She took a pinch hitter couple of flights with a CFI and enjoyed the demystifying of the whole thing.

Most of all - she was super supportive and pushing me to get into it in the first place overcoming her own suspicion of it since she knew I really wanted to, a number of years ago - so super understanding and supportive is a separate thing from wanting to di it herself.

That's a fairly informed but IMO minority view from non-pilots.  I think most people believe a plane will fall out of the air if the engine stops.  I've taken a few people up and when I mention that about engine outs and gliding, they seemed surprised.

[aviatoreb]

7 minutes ago, rbridges said:

That's a fairly informed but IMO minority view from non-pilots.  I think most people believe a plane will fall out of the air if the engine stops.  I've taken a few people up and when I mention that about engine outs and gliding, they seemed surprised.

I think it comes from my having previously convincingly worked to convince her that airplanes don't just fall out of the sky - relative to just my own flying even without her.

[Ibra]

10 minutes ago, rbridges said:

I think most people believe a plane will fall out of the air if the engine stops.  I've taken a few people up and when I mention that about engine outs and gliding, they seemed surprised.

You will get the same difficulty with few airline pilots who make a living flying a twin jet A320 and don't fly a single engine as it's too risky !
I am talking real here not joking, they had their SEL rating lapsed since they got ATP...

[Skates97]

4 hours ago, Fry said:

Push very slightly. Be happy with flying once per month. Select days with really good weather. Fly in the morning (calm air). If it gets a little choppy, tell her that this is no danger but compare it to a choppy drive over the freeway, and explain that the choppiness demonstrates the tight grip of the air on the plane. Make flights as boring as possible - except for the views of course. No zero-g events, no steep turns, make it like a bus driver. Have your wife pick destinations to bring her to the active side. Help her get experiences to impress her circle of female friends.

Motion sickness: my wife also has it. Chewable ginger tablets help, but must be chewed before the motion sickness even starts.

One of my bucket list items was to take my dad flying. He spent 20 years in the Air Force and was an instructor pilot in T-38's and also spent about 7 years flying C-130's and HC-130's. He has some great stories to tell. I've taken him up a few times, once was a bumpy mid-day in Arizona, we left Chandler (KCHD) and flew up the Salt River over the lakes and back over the Superstitions. As we were bouncing around I mentioned to him that my wife doesn't like the bumps very much. With a grin on his face he said, "Why not? That's just reminding you that there is still some air around you."

[Oldguy]

I think most folks know how lucky I am with my wife's view of flying. Her earliest memory of a Mooney is sitting in her father's lap in his friend's Mooney and flying with them in the early 60's. She is also the one who complained about the speed of the Cessna 172 we had and opined we should get rid of it and get a Mooney - the 1984 J we now own.

Being a computer person by training and career, I was surprised to learn about her flight attendant training. Apparently, when she worked at Northwest Airlines in the 1980's, all of the administration staff had to undergo training in the event of a flight crew strike. So any concern she had about flying vanished after a few days of hopping out of a 747 onto an air-inflated slide or jumping into a swimming pool wearing one of those little yellow vests.

The only problem I have with her flying with me is in turbulence. I have to switch the intercom to isolate since the bounces remind her of certain horse she had who was bouncy in a trot and worse until he smoothed out in a gallop. Hearing her yell "Yahoo" in the headset is really distracting.

[Missile=Awesome]

My wife went from a combined fear of getting sick (wore relief band) and death (basically comatose and unable to have a coherent conversation) to being a great flyer . Took:

1. Time to gain confidence in me as a pilot

2.  Time to learn about what turbulence feels like and that little bumps won’t break plane or cause us to fall out of sky. 
 

3.  Seeing and experiencing time value of flight

4.  Being involved in weather decisions and knowing I have last say. If we must be home we don’t go. 
 

5.  Learning about wind and gps and radios. Learning about speed and flap ranges and boost bump and fuel management. 
 

She is now a valued resource and I welcome her in right seat. She took pinch hitter course. She is now an advocate vs opponent of GA. Life is Good is her motto. She loves the Missile

 

[Mooneymite]

1 hour ago, Ibra said:

I am talking real here not joking, they had their SEL rating lapsed since they got ATP...

SEL ratings lapse?

[LANCECASPER]

21 hours ago, Amelia said:

I’m one of the lucky ones My husband doesn’t really share my passion, but he supports it, is a calm and informed passenger, and appreciates the capability of this Mooney.

Sorry, I should have made this equal opportunity   . . . 

 

 

 

[Htwjr]

As for the bad experience with motion sickness, get her some trans-derm scopalomine.  I go offshore fishing and I cant make myself get sick using it.

[Ibra]

4 minutes ago, Mooneymite said:

SEL ratings lapse?

I mean no BFR/PC in SELs: they never flew single engine since last time school days... 

[Hank]

2 hours ago, Ibra said:

You will get the same difficulty with few airline pilots who make a living flying a twin jet A320 and don't fly a single engine as it's too risky !
I am talking real here not joking, they had their SEL rating lapsed since they got ATP...

This is very common in my own (limited) experience.