Significant other that will not fly?

[smitty9006]

Does anybody else have a husband, wife, or partner that will not fly? I do and it stinks. I must admit that I knew she didn't like to fly when I started my lessons but I hoped that she would come around. At least my two kids will fly and that is something but the person I would really like to travel with will not. I'm a relatively new pilot with about 90 hrs and lots of people have flown with me; friends, my kids, in-laws, siblings, nephews, nieces, and they all have had a great time- not one complaint. My wife on the other hand is scared to death of small planes. Is there any hope?

[Parker_Woodruff]

It could be difficult.  It would really help to nail down what her fear is (if it's an isolated one).

If it's your pilot experience, that's one thing.  If it's just the fact it's a "small plane", that's another.

I hope she comes around forya.

PS - The first time you get her in the air, be 99.9% it will be a smooth ride.  Make it short and uneventful.  Uneventful in your mind will be an entirely new experience for her.

[DaV8or]

It's a tough one. Trust me I know. My wife has flown with me, but really does not care for the experience. She fully supports me and my flying so that's cool, but she really doesn't want to go along. I leave it entirely up to her. I don't try to pressure her in any way to go along. So far, I owned my plane nearly a year now and she has yet to set foot in it.

My wife likes what airplanes can do for her, meaning get to places we want to go fast, but does not like the process or anxiety of flying. She does not do well with uncertainty either. If I can't guarantee we leave at a certain time and return at certain time, she will choose drive or airlines. Having a significant other that isn't thrilled with GA does cut the utility of your airplane way back. I guess on the bright side, I might live longer because I don't often feel the pressure of gotta get there itis. This condition afflicts pilots that try to run their own personal airline and often results in their demise.

[PTK]

This is something you have to respect and cannot force the issue with.  Your options are to give up flying or just continue the status quo.  Maybe one day she'll come around.  

[mooneyman]

I have been through the same issue with my wife. When I completed my private four years ago, she had fear of small planes and my piloting skills. I convinced her to take a pinch hitter course and to go up with an instructor along. As her understanding of the airplane increased, some of her fear began to fade away. 

I then planned some short flights to visit her family and some fun day trips possible only through general aviation. Gradually we began doing some weekend trips and going a little farther. 

I completed my instrument rating several months ago. She saw how hard I worked to obtain that rating and her confidence in me has increased. 

She still has some fear and I know that she does not love GA like I do, but she has come a long way.

 

[Jerry 5TJ]

"Gee, that's what my first wife used to say, too."

 

[Piloto]

I had a similar situation. My wife concern was that it is not that it was an old plane but an old pilot. i try to convince her that there are not old pilots but experienced ones. She came back and said experienced on what: pre-colonoscopy procedures, taking a bunch of pills every day, napping every afternoon, snooring, cleaning your dentures or putting on Preparation H.   

[kortopates]

The issue is much too common sadly. Luckily for me I was already a pilot when I met my wife and when I encouraged her to learn how to land our bird she concluded - "Hey! I am don't just need to take a pinch hitter course - i am good enough to become a pilot." And there began a long journey for my wife that ultimately lead to her getting her private pilot license and instrument rating - and to me loosing access to the left seat permanently and now only flying 50% of the flying. So be careful what you ask for But of course its wonderful that we can share our love of GA together and fly all over together in our Mooney.

But getting back to your situation, like PK said, you must respect your wifes choice - afterall the GA safety track record is on a par with motorcyles and the two of you have young children - not making a judgement but just saying her concern is not unjustified.

Her in socal, all of us Mooney pilots know a guy that shares your dillema and loves to write up trip reports and post them on the web. Ed is one of those guys that has not been able to get his wife to join him on a flight in 21 years - till just recently. You can read about it here: http://www.mooneyevents.com/Find%20London%20Bridge.pdf I hope you don't have to wait 21 years like Ed did for your wife to fly with you, but you can always encourage her by taking up countless other female friends like Ed has done (read some of his past stories for chuckles). But in the mean time, seriously, be as respectful and patient with your wife as you can, because AIDs (Aviation Induced Divorce) is very real and you really don't want the love of aviation to be a stress factor for your marriage but something you can hopefully eventually share.

Good luck!

[GeorgePerry]

Quote: kortopates

 

But getting back to your situation, like PK said, you must respect your wifes choice - afterall the GA safety track record is on a par with motorcyles and the two of you have young children - not making a judgement but just saying her concern is not unjustified.

[Jeff_S]

Very common story. With my wife it was fear of motion sickness, not flying or dying in an airplane. She trusts my piloting skills, just not always what Mother Nature is going to throw at her. In this case, flying during the least turbulent times of day is preferable, but more than anything, there has to be a destination that she wants to get to, namely one with a beach and cool rum drinks waiting. That proved to be the thing that got her over the edge and into the plane. Now she's even (reluctantly) considering a trip to the Bahamas!

[scottfromiowa]

Commercial Aviation safer than driving.  Not General Aviation.  Based on miles traveled (fatalities).  There is a LOT that an individual can do to lean the averages in their favor individuallyfor sure.  My wife took her time warming up to flying.  Probably part of that was me after getting very tired of the "hell no" attitude toward buying a plane and my saying "you can either get on board or not, but I'm buying a Mooney"...Only ultimatum in 27+ years.  We have a mission (flying to Northern Wisconsin to family cottages) that has made her realize that 1.45 to 2.15 in the plane vs. 6.5-7.0 in a car with traffic is a HUGE benefit.  A relief band on the wrist, XM radio in her ears and the years of successfully completed (on her part) flights and there is much more willingness to not only fly, but to NOT DREAD IT.  I definitely sympathize with your situation, but only time will hopefully result in "less reluctance" to fly.  Let's face it, not everyone loves to fly like we Mooney drivers do.  I wish you all well in taming the reluctant flyer.

I remember asking a question of my wife years ago..."Is it fear of death or sickness?"..."Both" was her response...

[WardHolbrook]

Quote: mooneyman

I have been through the same issue with my wife. When I completed my private four years ago, she had fear of small planes and my piloting skills. I convinced her to take a pinch hitter course and to go up with an instructor along. As her understanding of the airplane increased, some of her fear began to fade away. 

I then planned some short flights to visit her family and some fun day trips possible only through general aviation. Gradually we began doing some weekend trips and going a little farther. 

I completed my instrument rating several months ago. She saw how hard I worked to obtain that rating and her confidence in me has increased. 

She still has some fear and I know that she does not love GA like I do, but she has come a long way.

Fortunately, I do not have that problem, my wife of 39 years loves to fly. However, I echo your suggestion to have her take a pinch hitter course or perferably some flying lessons. I've known several cases of that having done the trick. However, it also caused another problem in a couple of cases - mama ended up wanting to get her license too. So they ended up buying an airplane and always were fighting over who got to fly which leg.

[Kwixdraw]

My wife is not crazy about the idea of flying in a small aircraft but Is willing to go up when I get the Mooney back in action. She had the unfortunate luck to have a Piper PA-32 that shed it's wings in IFR flight crash right in front of her on the UC Irvine campus when she was in college.  She was supporting herself as an EMT at the time and there is no way she will get on a motorcycle, not even with me. We were talking about this a few weeks back and she said she had confidence that I was doing everything possible to make the Mooney safe and she was sure I wouldn't do anything stupid and risk wrecking it after all the care put into rebuilding it.  I'm lucky to have a wife that thinks things through, for the most part.

[piperpainter]

I just lost a girlfriend to this problem. Thankfully I am young and from now on date #2 will be going flying! It's hard when the person you care about the most doesn't care for what you do, well that was my situation. If she supports you thats awesome. And I know im young, so if any of you have mid 20's daughters that are cute & single....I'll send a picture of my plane! haha

[RJBrown]

 I bought my first plane "in between" wives.

 Scared the heck out their mother when I took my kids flying and for that matter Scuba diving and motorcycle riding.

 I vowed that there would be a plane in my life before there was another woman. The plane was part of the package when I married my wonderful wife  15 years ago. She rides, got the motorcycle endorsement, and dives with me. She went flying many times before I got too serious.

 After we were married there were times she complained about the costs associated with flying and wished I would sell it. 8 years ago I sold it for business reasons. Once we were without She missed it. All the trips we took and the freedom it afforded us. Like the song says "you never know what you've got till its gone"

Today she is more tolerant of flying, even wishing we had held out for another Rocket and not chose the J.

If you are already in a relationship it can be tough to win her over. Short smooth rides and fun destinations help. Act professional, explain what is about to happen. First time over that ridge that always has turbulence should not come as a surprise but a demonstration of what you already explained the whys of. Take it slow and yes the statistics really are in our favor. Fewer fatalities per hour of operation than on the roads.

 The more we as couples can enjoy together the better the relationship gets. 

[moodychief]

I just lost a girlfriend to this problem. Thankfully I am young and from now on date #2 will be going flying! It's hard when the person you care about the most doesn't care for what you do, well that was my situation. If she supports you thats awesome. And I know im young, so if any of you have mid 20's daughters that are cute & single....I'll send a picture of my plane! haha 

« Last edit: May 15, 2011 8:10 AM by piperpainter»

Bryan Painter
Mooney 65 M20C Owner/Pilot

Bryan,

Would you consider 22 as mid-20's?  My daughter turns 22 in September.  She loves to fly any chance she gets.  We have put a lot of cross country miles on our C-model.  

I've seen pictures of your airplane.  Did you take all of the pillows out before snapping the photos?  Our C-model has pillows on every flight in which my daughter quickly puts to use after the landing gear is stowed.  She is thoroughly rested when reaching the destination.  With her being 5'2", she could fully utilize your flip down seat to make a full size bed for any lengthy trips.

Had I known you were single, you could have made a weekend trip to Fayetteville AR on your recent TDY to Altus.  Does your plane have XM radio?

[carusoam]

The first time I ever saw my mooney fly (from outside the plane) was my wife, with instructor, on her pinch hitters course.

The more she knows about what's going on the more comfortable she will be with flying.  There is so much to know. 

Make sure the interior is neat and clean and no broken plastic bits or shreaded seat materials.  Nobody is comfortable with that.  People generally have grown to expect lights and video screens.  Inop junk and steam gauges don't breed comfortable feelings.

When its done right + some luck, she will tell you to upgrade to something even faster.......aahhhhh M20R!!!!

It always helps to introduce your fine lady to one of the other fine ladies that fly or at least travel....

Becca, Amelia, mooneygirl.....any thoughts.....

-a-

 

[Piloto]

Quote: moodychief

I just lost a girlfriend to this problem. Thankfully I am young and from now on date #2 will be going flying! It's hard when the person you care about the most doesn't care for what you do, well that was my situation. If she supports you thats awesome. And I know im young, so if any of you have mid 20's daughters that are cute & single....I'll send a picture of my plane! haha 

« Last edit: May 15, 2011 8:10 AM by piperpainter»

Bryan Painter

Mooney 65 M20C Owner/Pilot

Bryan,

Would you consider 22 as mid-20's?  My daughter turns 22 in September.  She loves to fly any chance she gets.  We have put a lot of cross country miles on our C-model.  

I've seen pictures of your airplane.  Did you take all of the pillows out before snapping the photos?  Our C-model has pillows on every flight in which my daughter quickly puts to use after the landing gear is stowed.  She is thoroughly rested when reaching the destination.  With her being 5'2", she could fully utilize your flip down seat to make a full size bed for any lengthy trips.

Had I known you were single, you could have made a weekend trip to Fayetteville AR on your recent TDY to Altus.  Does your plane have XM radio?

[231Pilot]

My late wifenever flew with me.  She would go to the airport, go into the hangar and sit in it, but when it was time to fly, she always made an excuse and found a way out of going.

Before I remarried, when my wife and I were dating, I took her up to fly over the islands on the MS gulf coast in my M20C, and she loved it.  She was afraid of possible motion sickness, but she did OK (smooth air day).  Since I have sold the M20C and purchased the M20J, she has become a good air traveler and we have made a lot of trips together.  It is a lot more fun with a spouse who is open minded about trying the things you enjoy and continuing to do those things with you.  I am still trying to get her to take the pinch hitter course but so far she has just watched the DVDs.

Hang in there, she might come around.

[alex]

I feel your pain,it is very frustrating! At least you can take your kids with you. My dear wife says "all three of us fly or just you". The problem with this is that in the 10 years of owning an airplane we have flown together only twice, for a grand total of 2.5 hours (only .5 in  the Mooney). I am really begining to resent her especially because I know my eight year old would love to go with me all the time. There's really nothing I can do to change her mind, I have tried;  She is well aware that I am not giving up aviation any time soon.

[Becca]

So my thoughts...

First of all if she hates flying, don't force it.  Its ok to have separate hobbies.  Flying is a little problemmatic, since its so expensive, but as long as she's ok with your hobby, and you'd be ok with her having a similar consuming hobby, I think its no problem.  Byron loves cars, I couldn't care less.  Whatever.  We both like flying and sailing.  I love to swim, he's afraid of fish.  Separate hobbies are ok.  If you want to travel to vacations via GA, she can meet you via airliner or road.  No big deal.

However, it is probably worth figuring out what about flying she doesn't like, just in case it can be rectified.  As others recommended here a pinch hitter course might be perfect.  For the flight time, I have a few recommendations.  1. Don't go along on the flight.  2. Find a really really perfect instructor.  No offense to the many professional instructors out there, but find one that has the right personality traits for this purpose - they should be enthusiastic about GA, good working with women (let's face it that's not always a required trait in the pilot population), even better, find a female instructor, calm and not jumpy (not prone to take the controls) and maybe someone that excudes experience and confidence (grayhair).

Then if she starts agreeing to go flying to you, find out what parts of GA she dislikes - be it hot weather, bad weather, bumpy conditions, long flights, something you do in the cockpit that annoys her, whatever, and avoid those.  I don't care how safe and legal those things are, just don't do them.  Why would you?  Its like a butterfly on your finger tip, don't make any sudden movements, make it as fun as possible.  If she does have something she loves or a place she likes to go, take her there in the plane, e.g. visit her family, take her to a destination she's interested in, etc.

[Ned Gravel]

I feel for you guys.  This would be tough for me too, but I am luckier than most. 

My best friend (mother of my children and wife of 32-plus years) falls asleep in the right seat all cozy under a blanket within 10 minutes of rotation.  20 minutes later she wakes up and spends the time looking at the wonders our flying can provide her.

Bumps put her to sleep.  Hard IMC is reason to read a book.  Breaking out of clouds puts sparkle in her eyes.

Makes my day.

 

[John Pleisse]

Great thing about a Mooney is, the cost level permits your mission to change. My wife doesn't like flying and I have three kids....we outgrew my 201 years ago. I use it for business, proficiencey, hobby and teaching my kids to fly. Go use it yourself and don't push. If it'll happen, it'll happen. Great news is, you own the perfect plane for mission flexibility.

[Parker_Woodruff]

Quote: piperpainter

I just lost a girlfriend to this problem. Thankfully I am young and from now on date #2 will be going flying! It's hard when the person you care about the most doesn't care for what you do, well that was my situation. If she supports you thats awesome. And I know im young, so if any of you have mid 20's daughters that are cute & single....I'll send a picture of my plane! haha

[KLRDMD]

My wife last flew with me in 1994