The Truth About Pilots.....

[fantom]

Pilots are people who drive airplanes for other people who can't fly.

Passengers are people who say they fly, but really just ride.

Fighter Pilots are steely eyed, weapons systems managers who kill bad
people and break things. However, they can also be very charming and
personable. The average fighter pilot, despite sometimes having a
swaggering exterior, is very much capable of such feelings as love,
affection, intimacy and caring. (However, these feelings don't involve
anyone else.)

Flying is a hard way to earn an easy living.

Both optimists and pessimists contribute to society.
The optimist invents the airplane; the pessimist, the parachute.

Death is just nature's way of telling you to watch your airspeed.

As a pilot only two bad things can happen to you (and one of them will):
a. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, knowing it is your last
flight.
b. One day you will walk out to the aircraft, not knowing it is your
last flight.

There are rules and there are laws:
The rules are made by men who think that they know how to fly your
airplane better than you.
The laws (of physics) were ordained by God.
You can and sometimes should suspend the rules, but you can never
suspend the laws.

About Rules:
a. The rules are a good place to hide if you don't have a better idea
and the talent to execute it.
b. If you deviate from a rule, it must be a flawless performance (e.g.,
if you fly under a bridge, don't hit the bridge.)

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel
tanks are full.

He who demands everything that his aircraft can give him is a pilot; he
who demands one iota more is a fool.

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night and
over the ocean. Most of them are scary.

The aircraft limits are only there in case there is another flight by
that particular aircraft. If subsequent flights do not appear likely,
there are no limits.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, Wilbur would have to fire
Orville to reduce costs." (President, DELTA Airlines.)

In the Alaskan bush, I'd rather have a two-hour bladder and three hours
of gas than vice versa.

An old pilot is one who can remember when flying was dangerous and sex
was safe.

Airlines have really changed; now a flight attendant can get a pilot
pregnant.

I've flown in both pilot seats. Can someone tell me why the other one is
always occupied by an idiot?

And my favorite;

You have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. You
can't do both.
 

[Mooneymite]

And that's the truth!

 

[1964-M20E]

c'est bon

[Brian Scranton]

I also like:

There are old pilots. And bold pilots. But no old, bold pilots. 

Q: How do you know there's a pilot at your party? A: Don't worry...he'll tell you. 

And, my fav:

If it flies, floats or fucks...rent it. 

[Dave Colangelo]

If I M-18, some (humorous) edits (its a slow day in the office) 

Its not airspeed that kills, its suddenly coming to a stop that tends to do you in. 

Before each flight, make sure that your bladder is empty and your fuel
tanks are full. However I highly advise not emptying your bladder to fill your fuel tanks.  

There are certain aircraft sounds that can only be heard at night and
over the ocean. Most of them are scary. But if an aircraft makes a noise over the ocean and no one is there to hear it, it drones on.

"If the Wright brothers were alive today, they would hire Glen Curtis as a "consultant" " 

An old pilot who abstains from flying is equally as safe as a pilot who abstains from sex but neither gets very far.  

[Joe Zuffoletto]

The propeller is actually a cooling fan for the pilot. Once it stops he starts to sweat almost immediately.

[jlunseth]

Once upon a time a pilot found a beautiful princess and asked her, "Will you marry me?"  The princess said, "No!"  And the pilot lived happily ever after and flew jets all over the world and drove hot cars and chased skinny long-legged big-breasted flight attendants and hunted and fished and went to topless bars and dated women half his age and drank Weihenstephaner German beer and dark Meyers and never heard bitching and never paid child support or alimony and kept his house and guns and ate cold leftover meals, potato chips and beans and blew enormous farts and never got cheated on while he was at work and all his friends and family thought he was frickin' cool as hell and he had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up........  The end.

Well, ok, maybe he didn't have tons of money in the bank after the annual but the rest works.

[Andy95W]

It is nice to dream, isn't it?