UPS pilots and mechanics

[1524J]

This is old and many may have seen it, but thought I'd share just in case.

 

After every flight, UPS pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by UPS ' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, UPS is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to: straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.

[mooniac15u]

Why does UPS have target radar and IFF? 

[dlthig]

I've seen this list before. A lot of it is generic for many aircraft, but has some military specific items. When I started my military leave from UPS a couple of years ago I don't remember anything like this. Just the aircraft logbook for squaks and a sense of humor there wasn't appreciated.

[Brandontwalker]

By the way, UPS has had at least one accident. A couple of years back a UPS plane crashed at KBHM while landing on the RNAV for RWY 18. Both pilots lost their lives. Night RNAV approaches are no longer allowed on RWY 18/36 as a result. Funny post, but factually inaccurate.

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[Jim Peace]

Don't forget the 747-400 that crashed in Dubai ...Flight 6......2 pilots killed.....

And like DLTHIG wrote there is no sense of humor in that company.....

 

[BDPetersen]

At NWA there was a cabin logbook in which cabin items were griped by the Lead Flight Attendant. One memorable write-up noting that the call chime used by the cockpit to get the f/a's attention was unreliable and low volume read "Captain's dong is soft and sometimes doesn't work at all." I believe it was repaired.