If I am not mistaken, from all that I've read, you're both correct.
Hotter is better to avoid solid deposits on the valves and cooler is better for cylinder longevity. However, CHT alone will not determine one or the other.
You should also consider how the engine is run in terms of power output and fuel mixture.
The lead deposits that could bring the valves to stick tend to adhere better at lower CHT temps, but that usually happens if the burn is not as "clean" as possible. To account for that, you'll want to operate on the LOP side of mixture, where the leftover fuel and lead deposits tend to be minimal, even with lower CHTs.
If you're going to operate ROP, where you have more power output but also probably more leftover lead in the cylinder (as not 100% of the fuel will be burned at each power stroke), you'll want to run the engine hotter (closer to 380, 390 CHT) to account for that excess lead. You can do that by running higher RPMs for example at ROP.
I usually run my engine (M20J with an IO-360-A3B6D) as LOP as I can and with lower RPMs for long flights, and I get CHTs in the 350s. What I usually see at 10,000 feet is: 2200 RPM, LOP, WOT, and I get 143 Kts TAS burning 8.3Gal/h.
If I want a ROP best power cruise, I will see CHTs in the 385 range, with 2500 RPM, closer to 10 gal/h and 155 Kts TAS.