Family - not interested in flying

[Rjfanjet]

1 hour ago, Hank said:

This is very common in my own (limited) experience. 

I fly with many FO's who haven't flown GA since coming to the airlines. Me, I missed it and bought a C. VFR only for me, no autopilot. 

[bradp]

Just buy the cirrus.  This is the exact thing they were designed for.  

[carusoam]

Every now and again....

In conversation with the un-knowing....

There are many people that have fear of the word stall...

They May have had a bad experience with a crappy car and the engine quit... disabling the car...

Yes... the engine stalled And left them in an uncomfortable position of getting it off the road and getting help....

 

Some people use gravity while getting the car safely off the road...

 

Why is it natural for some people to equate the engine not running... and the plane falls out of the sky?

Something about an engine stall and an aerodynamic stall... equally similar to a horse’s stall... 

Very similar to being in a boat... if the engine stops working... the boat doesn’t sink... 

 

In conversation it might help to mention... that Mooneys make the best gliders of all powered GA aircraft...

Find the pic of the 60s Mooney ad... flying in formation with a glider while the prop is not Moving...

There are two things a VFR pilot can use help with... the SIC can be helpful with this as well... Avoid running out of gas.... Avoid flying VFR in IMC....

Flying in clouds doesn’t make the plane fall out of the sky either...

The more everyone knows the more funnerer it becomes...

Best regards,

-a-

[jlunseth]

I am lucky, my GF is also my Angel Flight Mission Assistant. I started her out with a sunset flight, takeoff about 15 minutes before sunset, fly west into the big orange ball, fly south over open country and let her try to fly, then when it gets darker fly back into the twinkly lights of the city. No manuevers, no “watch this,” if you want them to trust you then any of that is utterly stupid.

Next step is to take them grocery shopping. I am serious. Or do it yourself first, bring something cool home and then maybe next time she will come with you. There are all kinds of little farmers markets in the upper Midwest where I live, summer is produce season, its fun.

Then maybe out to dinner, I know a couple of great restaurants up in northern Minnesota I have taken her to a few times.

Don’t make it about the flying, make it about what is at the other end of the trip.

[Nippernaper]

We should never discount the possibility that the problem may be us.  Rick Durden addressed this a few times, I think in his books ("The Thinking Pilot's Flight Manual") as well as old articles on AvWeb.  As pilots, we sometimes don't realize that the way we fly may be negatively impacting our passengers.  Definitely worth reading and considering.  

 

[aviatoreb]

12 hours ago, carusoam said:

 

Something about an engine stall and an aerodynamic stall... equally similar to a horse’s stall... 

 

Good point - and not to mention a horse stall is part of a stable.  And stable is good.

[Fred as in Flintstone]

On 8/12/2020 at 6:48 PM, MikeOH said:

Everyone has pretty much covered the many options for getting your wife to fly with you.

I have three comments:

1) Do NOT give up YOUR passion.  IMHO a healthy marriage does NOT involve one spouse telling the other person what they can or cannot do.  If flying is now an important part of your life she should respect that and not discourage you from doing something you love.

2) Offer to do things that SHE wants to do that you historically would have declined.

3) Don't talk about your flights unless she asks.

Couldn't agree more with you about #1. And unfortunately, it is a situation where it is active discouraging and complaining these days. And I am a husband who is very accommodating and will do pretty much whatever she wants. I don't refuse to do anything she has asked to do. And I'd never ask her not to do something she'd really want to do.

And I don't talk about any of the flights. 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

On 8/12/2020 at 2:17 PM, PTK said:

You show your understanding by accepting and respecting the fact that your wife who has different ideas and opinions is a lot more important to you than flying. She is correct, GA is inherently dangerous and is trying to make you see that she doesn’t enjoy it. You must respect her wishes and her needs. That’s what a loving husband who is committed to his bride and his marriage does. 
Flying must go. Sorry!

I understand what you're saying. 

Why can't she respect my wishes? What about my needs? Wouldn't a loving wife who is committed to her husband and her marriage want to encourage and support his passion and loves in life? 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

On 8/12/2020 at 3:47 PM, PTK said:

What I’m hearing here is disturbing frankly. A lot of advice on trying to change his wife’s mind. What about changing his mind? What are his prioritIes? Flying around or respecting his wife’s very reasonable fear and apprehension? She is clearly scared of this activity. Where does respecting your wife’s sensitivities and accepting her very valid concerns enter into the discussion?  Do they make any difference? She is being reasonable and has legitimate concerns. This is not golfing or fishing! This is flying! And this is your wife, not an insignificant acquaintance. Disregarding and trivializing her feelings and opinions and trying to convince her to accept something she clearly fears, is very selfish!

It's not a matter of disregarding her reasonable fears or concerns, though they are overstated. It's not trivializing them. I'm not trying to force her into a plane. I have stopped asking her to fly with me. 

[PTK]

20 minutes ago, Fred as in Flintstone said:

Couldn't agree more with you about #1. And unfortunately, it is a situation where it is active discouraging and complaining these days. And I am a husband who is very accommodating and will do pretty much whatever she wants. I don't refuse to do anything she has asked to do. And I'd never ask her not to do something she'd really want to do.

And I don't talk about any of the flights. 

It may seem illogical to you but anxiety can be very consuming. You have to empathize with and understand her view. Do not invalidate or diminish her fears. You may very well have to forget flying. Not all is lost however. You can cultivate othet activities you can both enjoy. Boating, fishing, golf, biking, gardening, etc. etc. But for you to ignore her feelings and run out to go flying only invalidates her and adds to her anxiety. After a while it will build into resentment. Again this is your wife and not an insignificant other. 
 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

On 8/12/2020 at 3:05 PM, squeaky.stow said:

Here is another thing that worked for me. What are your wife’s passions? Can you figure out a way to fit your hobby with hers?

For example, my wife likes cycling. So we bought a couple of good folding bikes that fit in the back and now she picks places she would like to visit and my job is to get us there. 
If her concern is the safety of old GA airplanes, and knowing full well that saying this will bring the wrath of Mooneyspace down apron me, you may wish to consider a Cirrus. The people at Cirrus figured out a long time ago that it is the non-flying spouses that they need to market their airplanes to. So they built something that looks and feels like a new SUV inside and they market the heck out of all of the safety features, especially the parachute. Is it really any safer than a Mooney?  Not to most of us pilots, but that doesn’t really matter if your spouse won’t get in it. Cirrus also has some great programs for flying spouses to give them even more confidence, training them basic emergency procedures like how to use the radio and how to deploy the CAPS if hubby keels over in flight. 
And before all you MS Cirrus haters start flaming me, I am NOT saying a Cirrus is a better airplane than a Mooney. I am saying that it is better marketed airplane than a Mooney. 
OK. Flame away.
 

Have thought about the Cirrus thing. I actually do think she'd view a parachute as a safety net (she has said as much). I'm not sure that she'd ever get in it though. While I could afford a Cirrus, that level of monetary commitment would also be something that there's no way she'd be ok with it. 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

8 minutes ago, PTK said:

It may seem illogical to you but anxiety can be very consuming. You have to empathize with and understand her view. Do not invalidate or diminish her fears. You may very well have to forget flying. Not all is lost however. You can cultivate othet activities you can both enjoy. Boating, fishing, golf, biking, gardening, etc. etc. But for you to ignore her feelings and run out to go flying only invalidates her and adds to her anxiety. After a while it will build into resentment. Again this is your wife and not an insignificant other. 
 

What about my level of resentment? The one thing I have found as I have gotten older that I really really enjoy, and someone who's supposed to support you and your dreams craps on them?

[PTK]

43 minutes ago, Fred as in Flintstone said:

It's not a matter of disregarding her reasonable fears or concerns, though they are overstated. It's not trivializing them. I'm not trying to force her into a plane. I have stopped asking her to fly with me. 

Yes, but you want to leave her and go out flying knowing full well she will be consumed by fear until you return. This only serves to put her on an anxiety rollercoaster. Bad! Compounded by feelings of invalidation and that you simply don’t care. Also very bad!
 

[Hradec]

I am very close to getting my ppl, wife went on an observation flight and loved it. 

Ended up buying a mooney for next to nothing and we have been working on it together. It should be flying next yr. I should have my ppl next month.

I took the wife to oshkosh for an EAA sheet metal class this past winter.

I'm lucky to have her.

my ex wife was boring and liked to sit on the couch and knit sweaters in the middle of the summer. Hated to travel.

Unfortunately my situation is the exception. I knew a guy with a citabria and then started building an rv7. Nobody in his family was interested or helped. Finally decided it wasnt worth spending so much on a hobby where he was the only one enjoying. Sold everything.

Focus on it is not about the flying, but the together time.  I like cars and people, to me car shows are about people, there just happen to be cars there.

Good luck

Glenn

 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

On 8/12/2020 at 8:34 PM, Oscar Avalle said:

Welcome to my world.
My wife hates flying. She must have
Flown a few times with me, but she has motion sickness... so it is not fun for her. So made peace with it and fly by myself.

My youngest son is the only one in the
Family who has gotten the bug...




Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

I'd be content flying by myself. And the motion sickness thing is real. I get that. I'm not interested in having her miserable.

But right now, it's antagonistic about even me just flying. 

[Fred as in Flintstone]

Just now, Hradec said:

I am very close to getting my ppl, wife went on an observation flight and loved it. 

Ended up buying a mooney for next to nothing and we have been working on it together. It should be flying next yr. I should have my ppl next month.

I took the wife to oshkosh for an EAA sheet metal class this past winter.

I'm lucky to have her.

my ex wife was boring and liked to sit on the couch and knit sweaters in the middle of the summer. Hated to travel.

Unfortunately my situation is the exception. I knew a guy with a citabria and then started building an rv7. Nobody in his family was interested or helped. Finally decided it wasnt worth spending so much on a hobby where he was the only one enjoying. Sold everything.

Focus on it is not about the flying, but the together time.  I like cars and people, to me car shows are about people, there just happen to be cars there.

Good luck

Glenn

 

Good luck on the checkride! You'll do fine. Remember, they want you to pass. 

[PTK]

1 hour ago, Fred as in Flintstone said:

What about my level of resentment? The one thing I have found as I have gotten older that I really really enjoy, and someone who's supposed to support you and your dreams craps on them?

Is that what she's doing really, or is it that she loves her husband and dreads the prospect of being a widow? In her mind its a real prospect. Be sensitive to her reality! Let’s face it, what we do is dangerous! I’ve owned my Mooney about 14 years now. During that time more Mooney pilots have perished than I can count on both hands. And that’s just Mooney owners/pilots not counting others! 

[PTK]

2 hours ago, Fred as in Flintstone said:

I'd be content flying by myself. And the motion sickness thing is real. I get that. I'm not interested in having her miserable.

But right now, it's antagonistic about even me just flying. 

How enjoyable would flying by yourself be? I wouldn't enjoy doing something I love without sharing it with the loves of my life! My wife and our twin sons. Much less so if I have to leave her all alone worrying! I would never ever do that to my wife! 
You may want to find something you both love to do and share! 

[MooneyMitch]

15 minutes ago, Hradec said:

I am very close to getting my ppl, wife went on an observation flight and loved it. 

Ended up buying a mooney for next to nothing and we have been working on it together. It should be flying next yr. I should have my ppl next month.

I took the wife to oshkosh for an EAA sheet metal class this past winter.

I'm lucky to have her.

my ex wife was boring and liked to sit on the couch and knit sweaters in the middle of the summer. Hated to travel.

Unfortunately my situation is the exception. I knew a guy with a citabria and then started building an rv7. Nobody in his family was interested or helped. Finally decided it wasnt worth spending so much on a hobby where he was the only one enjoying. Sold everything.

Focus on it is not about the flying, but the together time.  I like cars and people, to me car shows are about people, there just happen to be cars there.

Good luck

Glenn

 

Awesome Glenn !!!! 

[0TreeLemur]

5 hours ago, Fred as in Flintstone said:

What about my level of resentment? The one thing I have found as I have gotten older that I really really enjoy, and someone who's supposed to support you and your dreams craps on them?

This is a tough nut to crack.  Maybe she's doubling down because she knows she doesn't flying and fears growing apart.  I hope you can find a way to get her to gain her support because it is your passion.  Gotta power through it with some well timed discussion?  Waive off the Mooney and get an Van's RV so at least you can enjoy some time in the air?

[Fred as in Flintstone]

Just now, 0TreeLemur said:

This is a tough nut to crack.  Maybe she's doubling down because she knows she doesn't flying and fears growing apart.  I hope you can find a way to get her to gain her support because it is your passion.  Gotta power through it with some well timed discussion?  Waive off the Mooney and get an Van's RV so at least you can enjoy some time in the air?

Yeah.... Interestingly, for a Vans (6 or the 7 or even the 9), they are as much or more than a Vintage Mooney (C or E) and it would be nice to have the option of flying others somewhere (I do have brothers/brother in laws and nephews who would fly with me). Having the third (fourth - :-) ) seat is kinda attractive.  Would love to have an RV-14 but they are a lot more expensive. 

[carusoam]

Really..?

If she doesn’t like factory built and known to be safe airplanes...

Something built in a garage, by an unknown builder, with unknown tools or skills should go over pretty well...

Or... did you mean you are going to build it?
 

This could be your way out...

Often there are builders and flyers... they aren’t always the same person...

Most planes take years to build...

This would give you a great opportunity to demonstrate your skill, drive, knowledge, know how... before getting to the flying part...

Some plane builds take over a decade to complete...

Building takes a ton of time... measured in hours... it is not a low cost activity either...

 

I look forward to you finding YOUR way...

It is such an individual journey...

I chose...

• Speed
• Efficiency
• Safety
• Factory built

I chose a Mooney...

Go Mooney!

Best regards,

-a-

 

[Ibra]

20 hours ago, carusoam said:

Very similar to being in a boat... if the engine stops working... the boat doesn’t sink... 

I tried that analogy once it works, between us it is only applicable to light-than-air flying 

[MikeOH]

9 hours ago, PTK said:

It may seem illogical to you but anxiety can be very consuming. You have to empathize with and understand her view. Do not invalidate or diminish her fears. You may very well have to forget flying. Not all is lost however. You can cultivate othet activities you can both enjoy. Boating, fishing, golf, biking, gardening, etc. etc. But for you to ignore her feelings and run out to go flying only invalidates her and adds to her anxiety. After a while it will build into resentment. Again this is your wife and not an insignificant other. 
 

Dude, I was going to waste words...but, just do yourself a favor and don't go into marriage counseling.

[201er]

See if this will change her mind! And if not, at least live vicariously as @carusoam says.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited August 15, 2020 by 201er